Dec 19, 2017 in Sociology

The Aftermath of Divorce

When you feel like you have had enough, when you cannot handle this anymore, when your soul mate has become a stranger, the first thought that comes into your mind “I need a divorce”. Sometimes it seems like the most reasonable thing to do, and there is this feeling that right after you sign all the documents - you are free. In that instant the wave of happiness and freedom will swipe you of your feet. Meanwhile, deciding who gets what in the divorce, who kids spend holidays with, and all the small things you never thought of seem like hell. However, it is the times after the divorce when you have to toughen up and deal with the aftermath of it, this is the time when you have to pick up the pieces of your previous life and build a new one on the ruins.

The most difficult part of it all is kids

Children often have the idea that they are the reason for the divorce that the parents were fighting because of them.  It is crucial for children to understand the real reasons for the divorce, so that the relationships between parents would not influence the relationships children have with both parents in the negative way. It is hard to let your spouse to take care of the children according to scheduled times, and not to have them near at all times.  It is hard to let them go into the care of the person that you feel like you do not know anymore. There is a dissonant between understanding that one parent is not enough for the kids and the growing feeling of uncertainty leaving the kids with a person that seems to be a complete stranger. After this stressful event in their life, parent’s natural desire is to protect them and keep them safe and close.

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Having the children around keeps you occupied and busy, you simply have no time to think of your miserable situation. Different issues are coming up and you solve them as they appear. However, when kids visit your spouse and the house is empty, this is when the divorce and the aftermath of it hit you the hardest. All the troubling thoughts, of the past, present and future like a flock of ravens circle your brain looking for a weak spot to attack. All the problems that you have shared with your spouse before, now you have to work through alone.

Friends are always there for you, except at times of divorce

Many of your friends and acquaintances start feeling awkward about keeping the same level of communication with both of spouses after the divorce. Many times they just pick one person they keep maintaining friendship with, not to get in the middle of the broken marriage. In this way the people that you were close with or the people you could rely on disappear from your life. And there are less and less people to support you and keep you sane at this hard time. 

Things mentioned above do not even begin to describe the full extent of the divorce aftermath. These are merely some of the issues that one faces after the often dreadful and complicated process called divorce. As they say, in every ending there is a new beginning. Yes, it is the end of the life as you know it, and the beginning of the new life with new joys and struggles. And if you think of it, you went for a change to have a better life. After you deal with the snowfall of various issues and problems, it is bound to get better.

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